Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
An advisor at our practice has started coming in at 10 or 10:30 in the morning. He doesn’t shave as often as he used to, and he seems distant and preoccupied. I brought this up to the leader of our firm who made it clear that it was none of my business. I don’t want to pry into anyone’s life, but I am concerned about this person. He was one of our best performers and now he seems, well, lost. Is there an appropriate way to broach what’s going on with him?
H.R.
Dear H.R.,
Why are you interested in what’s going on with this colleague? Do you believe yourself to be in a position to fix something for him? What’s driving your concern?
I ask because it also strikes me as intrusive. Your inquiry doesn’t clarify how close you are to this advisor, but I’m assuming if you haven’t talked to him yet, and he hasn’t shared anything with you, that you do not have a close relationship. In addition, your boss—the leader of your firm – has been strong in his response to say it’s in your best interest to stay away.
I can understand taking a caring and concerned attitude, but I’ve learned over the years that when we intervene in someone’s personal life without really knowing what’s happening and why, we can actually do more damage than good. He could be dealing with a diagnosis, a family crisis, depression or a tragedy that you know nothing about. Approaching him as if you could help might actually be more self-serving than helpful.
Forgive me for saying this, but we often want to help another person because it makes us feel good and not because it actually helps the person. That’s not the case when we make an introduction for a colleague, write a recommendation for someone or provide insights or information that a colleague may need, of course. I’m talking about when we intervene in a more personal manner – asking someone to share something they may not be comfortable sharing and then giving our advice.
In a case like this, the best thing you can do is to treat this person as you have always treated him. If he is dropping things, not responding to clients or doing something that you perceive as detrimental to the business, mention these facts to your firm leader. This could negatively impact the business, and if you see these things, it’s only right to raise them.
But, if this person continues to manage his aspect of the business well, it really shouldn’t be of your concern. You can care – but do so from afar.
Dear Bev,
I have worked for my company, a very large financial services firm, for over 20 years. I have always received excellent reviews and the highest ratings. I have been paid exceptionally well and given generous bonuses every year. Last year, I was assigned to a new boss. My role has changed slightly, but my boss is someone who doesn’t understand what I do and why it is important. His style is to ask for lists upon lists, details, data and supporting documentation for every single thing. I’ve been successful because I am a creative thinker. I have ideas and I know how to get them done. Being data-ed to death is making my life miserable. Do I quit? Do I complain to my boss’s boss? Do I suck it up and hope he moves on at some point? I’m at a loss.
Willie A.
Dear Willie,
Your story is all too familiar to me. This is a clear case of vastly different behavioral styles at work. I’ve seen hundreds of situations like this over the years. Someone is a strong performer, but he or she gets a new boss and all goes badly. The new boss has different expectations, and the person struggles to figure out how best to be successful.
I recommend trying something different than the three options you’ve outlined. I have seen many people in your situation learn to match their bosses’ behavioral style and, as a result, gain much stronger relationships. If your boss trusted you and knew you were doing what you needed to do, he’d likely leave you alone, but your differing styles are not allowing him to believe you are doing what you need to do in the way you need to do it.
You outline differences in your note – he is data oriented while you are open-minded and creative. Is there a way to bring your creativity to a more specific level? Can you identify what you want to do but then gather the data necessary to make your case? Can you outline a clear plan of action so he can “see” specifically what needs to happen and when? Can you present your ideas in a less open way and instead in a more factual, step-by-step fashion?
Instead of railing against him, I recommend seeing if you can modify your approach to speak his language more effectively. Why should you do this instead of him changing his approach to meet you? Because whether you are in a large organization, or in small one, the boss usually holds the power. If you don’t choose to modify, you are going to continue to irk him and make your own life miserable. If you choose this route, than the options you listed in your note are your options. I would never recommend complaining to your boss’s boss, unless you have a very close relationship with this person. If you have worked together for a long time and you can be honest about how difficult your boss is making it for you, then this approach could work. But, be sure you have a strong underlying relationship with that person.
Otherwise, you will eventually either quit or the boss will also hate the situation and decide to move on. The second may take longer than you’d want. My first suggestion is that you try and modify your approach for success. If that doesn’t work, start working on your resume for your next career move. According to a great deal of research, the number one reason, that people leave jobs is because of the boss, so know you are not alone in your struggles.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. In 2008, she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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