Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
As a female owner of an advisory firm, often times I find myself telling my male colleagues to do what I do naturally – listen, be empathic, solve problems, etc. Do you think that women are wired to be more effective financial advisors than men?
G.P.
Dear G.P.,
Are your male colleagues responding and able to put your advice into practice? While they don’t do it naturally, do they understand what you are asking them to do and can they do it? If so, the skills are cross-gender. In fact, based on the work we do around behavioral style, some women can have more traditional male traits, while some men are able to flex and be very female oriented in their approach. There are many women who are wired to be caring, empathic, good listeners that are generally interested in others. There are also women who are so ego-centered they have a hard time listening and focusing on others and vice versa for men.
You probably do many of the things you are coaching on naturally. We all do. What is clear and apparent to me, however, might not be so clear and apparent to you. It’s a great gift that you are able to help your team with ways they can deepen relationships, but in order to be most effective, I would be careful about generalizations. Instead, pay attention to what your colleagues do well. What can you learn from them? How can you incorporate your teachings into what they are already doing?
When we have any sort of aptitude we tend to think, “It’s easy – if I can do it, someone else can do it.” We lose sight of the fact that we all have our strengths and our areas for improvement. It seems you could be most helpful to your colleagues but focusing on what they do well, and enhancing those skills by sharing insights about what you know. If there is cross-sharing, everyone wins.
Dear Bev,
The advisor who runs our firm is exceptionally demanding. I don’t mind high standards, and my natural approach is to adhere to the highest standards. This gets a bit ridiculous. The last straw for me was two weeks ago when my parents were here from out of town. I had asked if I could leave “early” (at 5:30) and was told “as long as your work is completed for the day.” Well I had a full schedule and got everything done (I am not an advisor, I am in a support role) and as I was getting ready to leave, the advisor who runs our firm came in with a request for some data at 5:15 pm that was needed for a meeting the following week. I would always stay if a client had an urgent request, but this seemed to me like she was holding work back just to test me and give it to me as I was getting ready to leave. I felt I had no choice but to stay and do it. My parents were fine with it, they understand my job is important, but it really burned me. I want to say something to her but I’m not sure how to bring it up without sounding like I am complaining. I feel really resentful about it. My parents told me, “She is the boss”. That may be true, but I also have rights. My question is twofold – should I approach her, and, if so, what exactly do I say?
T.R.
Dear T.R.,
Does this boss of yours frequently display this kind of passive-aggressive behavior? Just because I am a Human Behavior Coach® doesn’t mean I condone or can give reasons for everything people do! This sounds like someone who wants to be sure you know she is in charge. Unfortunately, if it is passive-aggressive, what often happens is that you confront the situation in a logical and calm manner and she responds with, “Who me? Why would I do something like that to you? It was an important situation.” Or something of the like. Most people who behave like this have an uncanny knack of making you, the person who confronts them, look like the one with the problem. I’ve seen it happen over and over again dozens of times.
That said, you do need to consider whether you can continue working here (a) knowing her management style is like this, and (b) considering that you may not be able to say anything or, if you do, you may not get a satisfactory response. You can certainly bring up the sequence of events, but set your expectations low for the response you will get. It’s a rare situation when the person you are confronting has an “ah-hah!” and sees their negative behavior and its impact. Instead, you might consider setting firmer boundaries with your boss. For instance, when she came in and asked you to do the work at 5:15, you can have a “just say no” attitude and let her know you will be happy to get cracking on it first thing in the morning.
Sometimes people like this delight because they can say, “jump!” and everyone around them says, “how high should we go?” You might start by setting expectations about what you will and won’t do. Don’t necessarily refer to this specific situation but rather going forward, commit to yourself you won’t allow her to step on you in this way. Continue to do the best job you are capable of doing, and go the extra mile whenever you can, but don’t allow yourself to be a floor mat!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. In 2008, she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. In 2016 her firm relaunched the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently a Lecturer at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including the Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
