When Your Boss Tells You to Work with a Coach

Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. Beverly Flaxington

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Dear Bev,

My boss asked me to work with a coach who has worked with my colleagues. But I’ve heard nothing positive about this person. In fact, the coach often repeats what is told in confidence and has made trouble for a number of my colleagues. It isn’t my style to tattle on this person and tell my boss why I would prefer someone. But it isn’t my style to be open and honest with someone I don’t trust. If I work with this person, it would not be beneficial to the company or to me.

The other problem is that I’m not sure why I am being asked to work with a coach. My performance review was very positive and my boss was cagey presenting this idea to me. I couldn’t tell if my boss thought this was something I was being rewarded with or whether it was to help me improve. I know you will tell me to clarify this with my boss but you don’t understand the full dynamics here and it can be career suicide if you don’t just smile and say “yes” to everything.

I need help navigating with this coach. Do I share and take my chances? Say what I’ve heard about past experiences? Share very little and hope it isn’t obvious? You do coaching so I thought you might have a perspective on this situation.

O.P.

Dear O.P.,

There are so many pieces to your inquiry that I want to address them all and not just your questions at the end. There really is only one answer to the direct question you pose – being candid with a coach is the only way you are going to get any “real” feedback or input. It worries me that you have heard this person is repeating things or spreading rumors, because most good coaches value confidentiality and know they can only be helpful if they keep things to themselves. I think you have to give the person the benefit of the doubt that perhaps what you heard is not entirely truthful, or may be shaded by someone else’s lens. In fact, a good coach should hear this feedback directly – you would not disclose who you heard it from, but that it was a reliable source and it makes you a bit wary of the relationship. Let the coach know they have something to prove by valuing your confidentiality and being careful about the information you share.

That said, you then want to share information slowly and carefully. It’s perfectly okay to “test” a bit to make sure the coach is upholding your confidences. And in any trusting relationship it takes time to build. You both need to get to know one another.