Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
Let me preface this by saying I love my family, I really do. I work with my brother, my two sisters and my dad in our financial planning firm. It was always my dad’s business, but he has had some significant health issues over the years and has given most of the reins to us to make the decisions. My brother (not the oldest in the family) has elected himself in charge. He is a bully and he bosses my sisters around. I’m not the oldest either but I don’t enjoy being bossed so I do what I want and don’t really care if he yells at me or not.
My sister (who is the oldest) gets thrown around by his behavior. Some days she doesn’t come into work and tells us he is giving her an ulcer. She feels sick, she mopes around and isn’t productive. That’s fine except she is responsible for our operations and compliance and things fall through the cracks pretty consistently. My other sister and I have tried to counsel her to ignore him, reminding her he is a bully and he enjoys tormenting her, etc.
Nothing works. Our firm is in jeopardy. If my oldest sister left none of the rest of us would know how to do her job. She gets irked if we suggest bringing in an outside resource (and yes, we have tried to broach this many, many times). We have also tried talking to my brother and asking him to tone it down or just leave her alone. My other sister and I don’t really care – we find it irritating; who needs to take harassment from a family member? But, we don’t focus on it so it doesn’t disrupt our day. I know the whole thing really bothers my mom and dad. At one point my sister stopped coming to family events. She started up again when my dad took a really bad turn a few months ago. He is fine now but I think it scared her enough that she isn’t boycotting. However, when she comes she goes to lengths to avoid my brother so my parents totally notice what’s going on.
Is there something else we should be doing? Are family businesses doomed to fail? Could we help my sister break free from giving my brother so much personal power and help her see he’s “just a guy” and her brother at that? It’s so frustrating but it’s also killing the great advisory firm we have all inherited.
S.L.
Dear S.L.,
Let me take one of your questions first – “are family businesses doomed to fail?” The answer is no, but it sure ain’t easy! I have worked with so many family-owned financial advisory firms of all different kinds. Typically it is the father who is the patriarch, although I have one where both parents founded the business together and I have one where the mother (a single mother at that) started the firm and continues to run it even though her adult children have joined. It’s a great industry for legacy and succession planning and many advisors would probably love to see their offspring carry on the name and success they have built. But, it isn’t easy because family is most often not very easy. Into adulthood every carries their childhood memories, roles, scars and reactions. If a family doesn’t deal with them, and address how they might impact their relationships in the business, they are going to continue to come up on a daily basis in things big and small.
I recommend paying for a business counselor who specializes in family dynamics. This situation has gotten to the point where you need someone objective, outside of the family and trained in these sorts of dialogues. Your brother needs to see the impact his behavior is having on everyone, and particularly on your sister. While he may be a “bully,” being one inside your firm isn’t gaining him anything. But, you can tell him this until you are blue in the face and it probably won’t move him.
The support you are giving your sister is great, but it doesn’t resonate with her. Whatever hold your brother has over your sister is likely deeply ingrained and goes back many years. In order for the family to work together effectively, it seems to me the only option is to create an intervention.
When I taught small business management, one of most popular modules was on the family business. I know of this general resource that might be able to lead you to a good consultant. If one of my readers has worked with someone who is particularly good, please write in so we can give S.L. additional options.
Dear Bev,
I run a small advisory firm. My partners are located in other locations. I know it is not unusual for me, as the leader of the firm, to wear a lot of hats but lately I am experiencing a sense of gloom and doom in all that I need to get to, and the few resources I have to put against them. I cannot afford a full-time hire so don’t recommend this. My partners are also tapped out and I would not trust either of them with some of the things I handle. There is so much on my plate and it’s a variety of things – from marketing to vendor/custodian management. Are there best practices on how to offload responsibilities so that things don’t get dropped and I don’t lose my mind?
John E.
Dear John,
Well, this is certainly a broad based question – best practices on outsourcing and on managing your mental health! First of all, just breathe…I understand the experience of “gloom and doom” when it seems there are simply too many things to get done in the hours allotted to do them, but no one makes good decisions when they are stressed and uptight. It is seriously important to first get a grip and realize you can solve this and there are answers, even if you can’t see them right now.
In terms of best practices, I suggest you consider a few things:
- Get in the habit of setting priorities for the day – no more than three. As a small business owner myself I know how easy it can be to get distracted: investigate this, think about that and the list just grows and grows. Instead of keeping a laundry list of things you need to do, consider isolating the three most important priorities at the beginning of each day (or establish these the night before). Focus your attention on making headway on the big ones, and then check the smaller ones off your list as the day unfolds.
- Be rigorous about saying “no.” It sounds like all of what you are doing is important and you do have to do it, but make sure you don’t take on things you don’t need to own. With every single thing you move to do ask yourself, “Am I the best person for this?”
- Outsource. Outsource. Outsource. In this day and age there are a gazillion people who work remotely and would be happy to do a few hours here and there. You don’t need a full-time hire. Now you wouldn’t outsource for important client work, but what about marketing? What about vendor management? What about admin tasks you are doing? Look at your list and see where you could get a part- or some- timer to help you. Advertising in the local paper could work, or visit one of the many sites set up for people offering their time and talents.
- Use your calendar and put placeholders for what you need to do. I break down large tasks into discreet smaller ones and then put each step on the calendar. Put “thinking time” on your calendar if need be. Capture what you need to do and allocate yourself the time, in advance, to do it.
In an ideal world it sounds as though you could really benefit from a full-time person to help you but I understand most businesses are not “ideal” so these tips should help get you through these difficult times. Once you build your business you can find a right hand person to support you in all you need to do!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. In 2008, she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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