Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Readers – this question is in response to my article last week on creating a sexual harassment policy:
Dear Bev,
This issue is receiving a lot of media attention, but some of the accusations are questionable given the span of time from harassment claims to public announcements. Worse, its focus is on women being victimized by men. I, however, have been victimized by women in business as well as personally. The most recent instance occurred a few months ago in front of co-workers. A female coworker made comments and gestures regarding my “cute butt that needs to be grabbed.” I was embarrassed and avoid her to this day. Her treatment of me was uninvited. I did not report this because of fear of ridicule due to my gender as well as my gender not fitting the “victim” mold promoted by women and feminists.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for writing and reminding everyone this is absolutely not a gender issue, but rather a power issue. The issue is one of abuse – it can be someone publicly making fun of a disabled journalist to minimize their intelligence or belittle the journalist; it can be business owners who have immigrants or lesser educated people as employees and use threats of deportation or loss of job; and it can be white-collar investment professionals who demean colleagues by commenting on their physique or intelligence in order to knock them off their game.
I completely agree with you that this is not solely a gender issue. Anyone who is embarrassed, ridiculed, harassed or otherwise demeaned and who is not in a position, for whatever reason, to do anything about it has experienced the impact as you have.
I do take issue with a couple of your points. If you have ever been the victim of abusive treatment, as you have experienced and as have hundreds of the people I have talked with over the years (myself included), you remember every single little detail decades later. Because of the inability to speak about it, and the fear or shame that one has in response, you tend to remember everything for a long time. The boss I had, almost 25 years ago, who used to “rate” me on a scale of 1-10 by looking me up and down and determining whether I was worthy of entering his office to speak (only 8, 9 or 10 was acceptable) is as clear in my mind today as when it happened. I could even tell you the brand of shirts he wore and the way he twirled his cufflinks (always to the left). So while you may question the practicality of time, please know it doesn’t matter how long. That’s why the #MeToo movement is so strong.
The second thing is that those of us labeled “women and feminists” are historically better at sharing experiences with one another and talking about them to other women. While we might not be comfortable telling the boss, or the boss’ boss or HR, we’ll tell a female friend or colleague we trust. The definition of “feminist,” according to dictionary.com:
Definition of feminism
1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2 : organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests
I’m not sure we’re talking here about equality, or organized activity, as much as we are about the power play at work and the silence that allows the behavior to continue. Unfortunately, whenever women speak out, the word “feminist” is attached, which is a way of minimizing and radicalizing the experience.
All this said, your situation is disturbing and I have known many male colleagues who have endured similar abuse. In many cases, I have seen the women colleagues in positions of authority laugh, or slough off the behavior as just “fun.” It’s not fun to the person experiencing it and it definitely has the same negative impact as any other insult or nasty comment. It is demeaning and insulting.
So, with all that, I ask all of our readers to check their own behavior. What might be okay in the locker room when talking about the other sex is not okay when used to embarrass or demean a colleague. All firms, whether small or large, need to have strong “no tolerance” policies. Rather than a feminist, I consider myself a businessperson, and for businesses to be most effective and efficient, treating one another with fairness and respect is a core value that should be upheld. No business is going to get the best of people – at any level – by insulting them, or having them hide in shame unable or unwilling to bring forth the experience.
Maybe it’s an ideal state, but it’s bad on all levels not to embrace it.
Dear Bev,
I need to fire someone who I have known was under-performing for some time. The problem is I work in a large financial institution and have an assigned HR rep. This HR person has made insulting comments to me in the past when I have asked a simple clarification question or sought out help in completing performance reviews. I should have put this employee on probation months ago but recently things came to a head and I can’t put it off any longer. I don’t want to solicit help from someone who is not going to support me. Ideas?
P.P.
Dear P.P.,
Do you have any other trusted senior members of your firm with whom you could brainstorm? Is there someone above this HR person you could go to and ask for another resource to work with? Could you put together a game plan before you speak with this HR person so he/she knows you have thought this through and are being proactive about it? This is definitely not uncommon – many large companies (probably small ones too) have employee issues they need to address, but don’t. Eventually in many cases the employee has to be dealt with and time is the enemy because both the employee, and internal folks, will ask “why now?” “Why not six months ago or two years ago?” Unfortunately life is life and there are often extenuating circumstances that mean none of us do exactly what we should do at the time we should do it. It’s unfortunate you have someone who does not embrace this idea, but I believe (especially in a large company) if you look, you will find someone else to provide insight and support. Good luck.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. In 2008, she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
