Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Readers,
I have the honor of responding to your inquiries each and every week in this column. I am also fortunate to work as a coach and mentor to hundreds of advisors each year. I hope my wisdom and ideas are helpful.
I, too, run a business and need to make decisions every day on the best ways to approach people and to communicate. This week I learned a valuable lesson on delegation and communicating in a polarized political environment, and on being respectful of how people might interpret something. I thought I’d share my own experiences, as I am always learning and hopefully growing, too. While it’s painful to make mistakes, I accept them because they teach me things I might not have yet learned, or might have forgotten.
I’ll reveal something from my own business this week that you might find helpful as you navigate similar communication issues.
Background
I send communication tips via email to people who have run behavioral profiles (called “DISC”) from my firm. These are communication style prompts that teach people how to “read” others. I buy these clues from an outside vendor and I have a team member who writes little paragraphs and sends them out under my signature. I believe firmly in the need to delegate in a small firm, so I rely on people around me for many things.
This week the clues used a picture of the sitting president in order to depict a dominant type personality. I write about the importance of staying away from political discussions in today’s polarized environment, and this week I was reminded of what sage advice that is when I started receiving emails from clients saying how offended they were by being “compared” to the sitting president.
I opted to write an apology – not to make a political statement – but to acknowledge that the current president’s behaviors and approach could be considered as offensive to some people. As an example, one woman said, as a high-D on the DISC scale she understands someone can be direct, assertive and even a bully but she took issue with the fact (and she supplied quotes) that Trump has advocated for violence against those that disagree in the past.
Others wrote saying they knew they were bold and brash, but they believed they had “morals” and cared about their reputation so being compared to Trump was offensive.
Because I believe in staying away from political “third rails” at all costs, I wrote an apology so those people who were offended would recognize the email was not reviewed by me before it went out. Of course, given that Trump’s popularity is around 38%, this meant that probably a bit more than 38% of the recipients would be offended by the apology (probably a higher percentage of the population in the financial services industry). So, I was faced with the question, what to do in times where communication seems important but could create more of a firestorm? I opted to send it and here is what happened.
Outcome
At the time of this writing, I had received well over a dozen emails that underscored the divisiveness going on in our country today.
On the supportive side of sending the apology
I am heartened by your response!
Thank you! This email means a lot, even for a high S/C. (Note: The reference to S/C is a reference to a type of communication style that would be polar opposite from the one depicted
You do a great job and I really enjoy the tips each week.
Thank you for sending them. I, too, am offended and embarrassed by practically everything Trump does, but he is definitely an example of exaggerated High D. He just needs some of the other three categories mixed in.
It was absolutely the right thing. (referring to sending the apology) This is rather timely, so: The time is always right to do what is right.
Those upset by our need to apologize and react to the emails I received by readers who were offended:
What a ridiculous apology. People need to get a grip. Please remove me from your list.
Hello Bev, Personally, I’m offended that you felt the need to apologize.
Beverly, Some people may be offended that you feel like you need to apologize for using the president of the United States of America, our country as an example of a high-D.
In general support of my work:
I enjoyed it! Thanks Bev
I want to voice my support for your work. While not a fan of Trump and didn’t vote for him, I thought it was a great clue, and one I will remember. Keep them coming.
I am disappointed people are offended by so many different things. Maybe we need mandatory classes in “civil discourse” – how to have a discussion and hear other people’s views, offer our own, accept people who change their position, and not take any of it personally or “be offended. Thanks for your work.
We live in a very polarized and sensitive environment. The intent was not to take a political stance, but rather to draw on characteristics associated to a profile in someone that is relatable.
Takeaways
What lessons did take away from this experience? Here are five important things. Readers, I am very interested in your viewpoint on the whole scenario too:
- Today’s political environment is essentially a no-win. Either you are “for” or you are “against.” If you are an Independent (as I am), and try to respect that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and you can see the viewpoint from different angles, you are probably going to wind up offending someone because you either have to be “with ‘em” or “against ‘em” so even the neutral zone is a dangerous place to be.
- One’s viewpoint varies tremendously depending on the seat you sit in. It was interesting to me that many of the people who were offended by my “need to apologize” were (self-proclaimed) high-D, white men while many of the people who wrote to me (and called me) to say they were offended by the comparison were women and people of color. This was not true across the board. A number of the supportive comments were from white males in our business, but the lessons were stark. The polarization does cut gender and minority lines – I knew this, but seeing it in print was very interesting.
- Delegation is critical and important, but when communication is going to clients, and could be construed as offensive (even if it never has been in the past) read everything. My top priorities are (1) taking care of my clients and giving them useful and helpful direction and support and (2) curating a personal reputation that shows my clients, in everything I do, that I am committed to #1. I would never want to pick sides, or polarize people or offend people in the quest to help them. The reality of the entire incident is that I should have been the one to review each week what goes out to our list of thousands of people and approve it before it does. I never want to be a bottleneck, but some things are worth bottling up the process. From now on, I review each and every one we send.
- Today’s political environment is essentially a no-win. Did I say that already in point #1? It’s worth repeating here. The reality is that we need to engage in civil discourse as one of my writers aptly pointed out.
a. It’s really not unpatriotic to disagree with behaviors of the President of the US, no matter whom they might be. Just because you don’t agree with some things he does, actually does not mean you are a “lefty looney” or “libtard.”
b. And, just because you do believe it is important to support the president of the US and believe in Trump’s policies and approaches you are not an “extremist” or a “lunatic.”
As an aside, I thought it would be interesting to see if anything is written on the curse words people throw at members of the other party so if you want more, read here.
In the end, it’s necessary to recognize that people have their own views based on the filters they have on life. Perhaps the most important thing is to try and get into one another’s shoes to see where we have sameness and not to look for ways to increase the divide.
I learned that lesson again here this week, and will remember it for quite some time to come!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. In 2008, she co-founded Advisors Trusted Advisor to offer dedicated practice management resources to advisors, planners and wealth managers. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Leadership & Social Responsibility. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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