Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
One of the things I like about reading your column is that it normalizes things that go on in my workplace, which I’ve always considered to be highly dysfunctional. I don’t know if that is good or bad – maybe I am just getting desensitized to how ridiculous things are around here.
I’ve never written before, but I have a question about the importance of gossip. Some of the people I work with learn things they probably should not know, and because they weren’t told them directly, they don’t consider them to be secrets. However, many of the things that get passed around could be misconstrued and hurtful to others.
I have always been a listener. I like to know what’s happening and we don’t get good information from our senior people. But lately I am feeling guilty that my listening is contributing to the problem. I tried telling one of my colleagues I didn’t care about what they were saying. But then they stopped sharing things with me.
We are in a situation where layoffs have been going on for a while and we just had another round this past week. Like a lot of financial firms, ours is focused on cost cutting. Some of us learned in advance about the past layoffs because of the gossip situation. I think there can be value. I just don’t know whether I should separate myself entirely. It is a really toxic environment.
A.T.
Dear A.T.,
There are so many avenues to address in your request. I know quitting is hard, but consider whether you can succeed and be happy in a place you describe as “dysfunctional” and “toxic.” However, you did not write asking me whether you should continue to survive, or whether you can thrive there, so I will answer your direct question about gossip.
Years ago I created a program called “Putting Gossip to Work.” Exchanging information is a human need – and especially in environments where there is fear, worry and a lack of communication. People will learn something (whether true or not!) and then want to show their own value by passing along that information. Firms do well by themselves when they don’t try and fight this but rather try and embrace it and channel it positively.
I’m not sure whether everyone on your senior team is lost, in your view, or whether there is someone you could appeal to handle the gossip more productively. Gossip left unchecked can do a lot of damage:
- Most firms can’t afford “idle talk”;
- Gossip can destroy reputations;
- Gossip is like “nailing Jell-O to the wall” meaning that you don’t often know where it stems from, or what is accurate about it;
- Gossip can spread and employees react to it without knowing the truth; and
- Sometimes when it has spread too far, learning the truth doesn’t even matter!
So rather than allow gossip to permeate where it shouldn’t, firms can look at four different ways to use gossip successfully: (1) They can set cultural norms around gossip, (2) they can create forums to formally allow employees to raise issues, (3) they can harness it and empower people with the information and (4) they can turn gossip into problem-solving skills.
Here are examples of each of these:
Setting cultural norms could be as simple as “We agree if someone is talking about someone else, that person is immediately invited into the conversation to verify or deny accuracy.” If you have a culture that disallows talking behind someone’s back, the negative stuff will cease right after the first or second time you bring the named individual into your office to hear about themselves!
Creating forums to allow for gossip can be as simple as holding an “obstacles” session and asking team members to talk about what’s getting in the way of them being as successful as they know they could be. Remember that with obstacles, you have to identify those you can control and influence and put those out of your control to the side. Many times just having the chance to talk about concerns or issues will stop employees from sharing new news.
To use gossip as empowerment, when someone shares a tidbit of news, seek to understand. Ask them why this news is important to them? What are they concerned about? Become intellectually curious instead of just assuming whatever they are saying is gospel. Use the exchange as a chance to dig deeper and learn more about your colleague.
Lastly, using gossip as a jumping off point to learn problem-solving skills involves asking colleagues, “What would you do differently? Can you develop a plan to address some of the concerns?” Put the news back on them – for example, there is a rumor that more layoffs will happen next week. What can your team members do? How can they prepare themselves or position themselves? Instead of just giving in to the negative news and using it as a way to devolve into worry and fear, try and use it as a chance to strengthen skills in some areas.
This isn’t an easy situation, given other factors you appear to be dealing with, in addition to the gossip, but you can help to shift the situation so it isn’t so all consuming for you.
Dear Bev,
What do you do when a high-net-worth client is having an affair and you deal with both that person and their spouse? As a fiduciary who can see all kinds of problems from this situation going badly, I believe I should intervene but not sure whose “side” I should take.
L.L.
Dear L.L.,
Yikes! Advisors should transition into becoming more of a life coach for their clients, seeking to understand, asking deeper questions, learning more about what clients care about and value but I don’t think you should take it to this extreme! I’m not sure how you know of the affair. If your client told you, then you could certainly let that person know you are entirely uncomfortable with the situation and see danger ahead. If you found this out some other way, I don’t believe you should even let on that you know.
Of course, like many things it all depends on the nature of your relationship with the clients but it seems to me that you run the risk of doing damage to one or both of the relationships you have with this couple.
It’s a tough situation and I encourage advisors who have dealt with this issue to write in and let us know how you managed it or whether you would dispense different advice!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Entrepreneurship. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
