Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
I am a female advisor running my own firm. I worked in a large organization for a long time – and was a top producer there and have been on my own now for 14 months. I am about to have my first child (in May) and plan to work through the pregnancy and directly afterwards. My mother-in-law lives with us so I have in-home help and my office is outside of the home. I am set for managing this. I realize that things could go wrong with my health or that of the baby, but assuming all is well, I’m perfectly capable.
I’m writing because in the last two weeks, two different prospects (both ironically women) told me they were going to pass on working with me because they see that I am pregnant! One is a working mother and one has never had children. I have several male clients and a couple of new prospects I think will sign soon and not one of them has said a word about my pregnancy. They treat me exactly the same.
I was taken aback that another woman would not trust I am able to have a baby and manage a client’s wealth, too! I am well aware of the gender biases that go on in the large financial firms. I have been on the receiving end of this on a couple of occasions, but I would have never thought running my own advisory firm I would encounter this. Should I address my pregnancy with prospects and clients? Some don’t see me often so may not even know I am having a baby. I don’t want to make an issue out of it because it isn’t an issue for me but these two situations have made me reconsider.
D.G.
Dear D.G.,
Should you tell people you are committed to your business, have every intention of continuing to run it and provide good client service and excellence in investing “even though” you are having a baby? My answer is “no,” you should not do this. Is gender bias real and do people (men and women alike) have suspicions about a “mother’s commitment” to her work, “yes.” Is this fair or just? “No,” but it is the case with some people.
I quit my corporate job and found out one week later I was (quite unexpectedly) pregnant with my first child. I’ve had three in the time I’ve been running this business. Do we as working moms have to sometimes go the extra mile to show we are committed, and put in additional effort so clients know they are still going to get top notch service? Unfortunately, yes, we do have to continue to prove commitment (to some people).
I’ve been heartened, however, over the years to meet many, many more of the people/clients who are fully supportive and recognize that having a family and being committed to work can co-exist and who don’t expect a mother (or father for that matter) to abandon their family just to show they are committed to the work.
Ask yourself whether you want to work with prospects who would make erroneous judgments about you, or who would question your dedication and commitment. If they do it now, and they become a client, the first thing they’d do it be upset when something might happen and you had to be with your child for some reason.
I remember once managing a huge, high-priority project for an important client. My oldest daughter was rushed to Children’s Hospital for an emergency with Lyme disease that had gone undetected and she was going to need her knee replaced (at 10 years old). I called the client to apologize and let them know I was going to have to miss the call. I quickly explained what had happened and they were furious at me for even thinking about them! “Go be with your daughter – nothing urgent is going to happen in the next two days,” was their response. That’s when I learned that it wasn’t about me, and my commitment, it is all about the perception or filter someone else has on what they need, and what they believe about the world (and about working mothers and commitment).
When you are running a firm, especially a new one, you want to win every prospect. You’ll want to give your child the best life possible and sometimes that means generating as much revenue as you can! However, consider who you want to work with. If you are good at what you do, and offer a good service, the people who will make your best clients will know you and respect you for who you are and will support whatever happens during your life too. If you are doing what you tell them you’ll do and follow through, it shouldn’t matter to them whether you have one baby or many.
I know it hurts to have someone make assumptions about you and it isn’t fair or balanced, but it continues to be real. Focus on those prospects and clients who value you and pass on the ones who make you think you are doing less than you should be. Ultimately we all have to choose what we’re willing to put up with to make a living!
Dear Bev,
I know you write a lot about differences in communication style. You may have answered this before. But what do you do when you have a client who simply gives you one word answers to everything? I’ve told him I can’t really help him if he doesn’t open up, and he tells me it isn’t my job to “help” him it’s my job to make his portfolio grow. I’ve tried asking questions during each meeting and he just gets more irritated with me. I know I can’t deepen the relationship with him if I don’t know him but I can’t get to know him if he won’t talk with me.
PS – I have had this client for nine years so it isn’t a new issue!
M.S.
Dear M.S.,
I hope if you are a regular column reader that you saw last week’s on how you can’t change some people’s behavior no matter what you try! You are doing everything right from what you’ve shared, but some people just have a view of what they want from their advisor and they don’t want more.
When I run training sessions for advisors I tell a story about a good friend who was unhappy with her advisor because of performance. She is a very successful person with millions of dollars to her name. She wanted references to some advisors in her local area and I gave her the names of three people. One was an advisor I like very much who is a strong relational person. My friend came back to me and told me she strongly disliked the one who wanted to get to know her, asked her all kinds of “touchy-feely questions” (those are her words, not mine) and wanted to probe about her life. My friend said, “I just wanted to know how this advisor was going to beat the benchmarks!”
The moral of the story is that you have to meet the prospect or client where they are, not where you want them to be. Even though we talk a lot in our business about moving to a more holistic planning approach, getting to know the client at a deeper level, meeting their family members, etc., and this is all important over the long term, there will be people who see advisors as the person who manages their money. Period. When you know this to be true, you might want to just manage them at the place they care to be, not where you want them to be.
This client has stayed with you for nine years. Obviously you are doing something right! You should keep checking in and making sure all is well, but stop with the deepening questions lest you irritate him so much he decides he would like a less talkative, less inquisitive advisor. After all, there are also many of those in our industry, too.
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate students Entrepreneurship. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 