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The essence of the activities we enjoy – how we have “fun” – reveals a key personality trait. Identifying that trait and that of your prospects and clients is critical to providing good advice.
I’m having fun writing this article. My wife is in her studio, working on a new painting. She’s having fun as well. When she comes home, we’ll have fun being together.
We also had fun on New Year’s Eve. She planned a great dinner for the two of us. We went to bed early. It was great.
We have friends who spent New Year’s Eve quite differently. They joined 300 other partiers and had dinner at their country club. The evening included dancing. Champagne flowed. They were recovering from a massive hangover when we spoke the next morning. But they told us it was a “blast.”
“Fun” differs
The definition of “fun” differs depending on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert. The brain of introverts is over stimulated by interactions with large numbers of people. The same experience is energizing to extroverts. This difference explains why my wife and I (both introverts) enjoy a quiet evening at home, while my friends (both extroverts) had the time of their lives partying with a large crowd until the wee hours of the morning.
The importance of self-awareness
The difference in the perception of fun between introverts and extroverts explains why self-awareness is so important. It’s also important to understand the personality type of those around you.
If you are an extrovert, married to an introvert, and don’t understand the consequences of that difference, you’ll find your life filled with frustration.
The potential for conflict
In doing the research for my new self-help book, I found there was significant conflict on these issues when a relationship includes both an introvert and an extrovert. Resolving these differences starts with understanding that the other person isn’t being intentionally unfriendly. They are just behaving like a typical introvert or extrovert.
The problem for introverts is the perception that they don’t enjoy doing anything that most people regard as fun, like going to parties, drinking at bars, and socializing in large groups. That’s why introverts are often derided as “party poopers” and otherwise made to feel like they’re anti-social or “hate” people – neither of which is accurate.
The solution is compromise and thoughtfulness. The introvert needs to experiment and explore new activities with an extroverted partner. The extrovert needs to be more understanding of the reluctance of the introvert to go to large parties, and plan smaller get-togethers instead.
Here’s some good news for introverts who really enjoy being alone. A study in the British Journal of Psychology found, “more intelligent individuals were actually less satisfied with life if they socialized with their friends more frequently.”
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One researcher who studies the economics of happiness theorized this is the case because these people are “focused on some longer term objective,” like finding a cure for cancer or solving the climate crisis (or writing a book!).
Takeaway for advisors
It’s difficult to be successful as an advisor unless you’re emotionally stable and have achieved a benchmark level of happiness. It’s also challenging to relate to prospects and clients without understanding your personality type and theirs.
Being sensitive, in your personal and professional life, to the difference between introverts and extroverts can be critical to your overall success.
For more information about marketing and branding opportunities with Dan’s upcoming book, Ask: Be Liked. Be Better, click here.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
