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Have you ever experienced a slow computer? The solution is often to clear the cache, which rids it of unnecessary data and permits it to function more efficiently.
The same principle applies to your brain.
Self-talk is overwhelming
“Self-talk” refers to the running commentary in our brain that stays with us throughout the day and often into the night. It can be positive or negative.
Our self-talk tilts towards the negative, due to our negativity bias. While negativity bias can be useful (like when it discourages us from taking unacceptable risks), our tendency to overweight the negative can harm our emotional state and even make us depressed.
The amount of our self-talk (whether positive or negative) is overwhelming. Experts estimate we average 2,100 to 3,300 thoughts per hour (50,000-80,000 thoughts per day).
That’s a lot of input for the brain to process, especially when it’s also engaged in many other activities requiring perceiving, evaluating and interacting with the world around us.
Self-talk is self-centered
There’s a reason it’s called “self” talk. It’s all about us: our hopes, desires, fears, anxieties and goals. We are constantly trying to determine how events will impact us. By definition, our self-talk isn’t about others.
As a consequence, without any effort, we are consumed with thoughts about ourselves every waking (and often sleeping) minute.
The combination of the vast amount of self-talk we engage in, our tendency to have more negative than positive self-talk and the focus on our self (to the exclusion of others) impairs our ability to have meaningful relationships with others.
And without those relationships, we won’t be successful in our business or personal lives.
Manage your self-talk
We have some control over our thoughts. We don’t have to blindly accept self-talk that creates stress and anxiety, is overwhelmingly negative or makes us feel inadequate and inferior.
According to writer Spencer Sekulin, the key to changing the impact of your self-talk from negative to positive is whether it’s phrased as a statement or a question.
Questions permit you to thrive. Statements often result in stagnation – or worse. Instead of self-talk that states, “I don’t have enough time,” make it a question, like, “How can I make the time for this?”
He believes you can improve your relationship with yourself by asking better questions. Doing so will Inspire your subconscious mind to action.
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This switch to managing self-talk is not easy. Psychologist Nicole Lipkin recommends getting a coach or therapist, focusing on your physical and mental health, choosing to exercise control over stressors in your life, viewing stressful events as opportunities and taking time off to reflect on your life.
She believes we have control over negative self-talk and the ability to halt it and switch to something that feels good.
Advisor heal thyself
The biblical phrase, “physician, heal thyself,” is applicable to financial advisors. Unless you are emotionally centered and strong, in good physical and mental health, and in control of your self-talk, it will be more difficult for you to attract and maintain business.
The first issues you should confront every day are your own.
For more information about marketing and branding opportunities with Dan’s upcoming book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone, click here.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
