Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
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Dear Bev,
I have a colleague I need to work closely with at our home office. In person he is hard to reach – closes his door, won’t respond to messages and generally works hard to ignore me. In this virtual world, he has taken it up several notches. I text, email and call him. I send invites to get online, face-to-face together. He literally ignores everything.
He is crucial to my work. How do I get him to respond?
N.U.
Dear N.U.,
How are you getting your work done? You sound like someone who is willing to put in a lot of effort, so I doubt you are sitting idly by while he ignores you.
Consider how “crucial” his input and involvement is. You might be able to get just so far in a project and then his contribution is necessary. Or maybe he has information that would make your life easier in finishing your work. You are expending a great deal of time and energy trying to get him to respond and, for, whatever reason, he does not see the same criticality that you do.
Consider where and when you need him and get very focused on including him only when necessary.
Assuming he is important to what you are doing and needs to be engaged, reach out to him and say exactly this. Often times people don’t respond because they don’t recognize the significance of the call or message, or they aren’t sure if they can help, or how. Your voice mail could go something like, “I know you are busy (insert name here) and there is work to be done, however I need you for (insert specifics here) by (insert date here). I’ve tried texting, emailing and calling and I’m getting no response. Could you please tell me what I need to do to get (information) by (date)?”
He might respond by sending you the needed information. He might not see a reason to talk and catch up, but might be perfectly fine getting you what you need.
The last option is to appeal to your boss. Do this without complaining or showing frustration, but rather make him or her aware of what is happening. That conversation could go something like this, “Hey, do you know if everything is alright with (insert name here)? I’ve got him on this work project and need his input on (insert what’s needed here) and I have called, texted and emailed and I cannot get a response. I’m a bit worried about him. Any information or suggestions for me?” This way, in the event something is going on with this colleague, you are not being accusatory before you learn more.
In many cases, when you meet the kind of resistance you are from a colleague, the person is dealing with something – they are depressed, overwhelmed, fearful or unable to cope. Of course you need them to perform, and you can’t give them a pass or the work wouldn’t get done. But seek to understand first, and then come up with a strategy to get what you need.
Dear Bev,
I have no interest in taking my vacation this year but my boss is putting unbelievable pressure on all of us to “take a break.” My husband won’t go anywhere. He has a compromised immune system and is afraid to travel, even by car. I am very stressed with a young child and working from home. I never get to rest, but taking a vacation isn’t in the cards. How do I get my boss to understand his pressure is actually stressing me out more?
R.W.
Dear R.W.,
Does your workplace have a “use it or lose it” policy? I’m hearing from many managers they are under extreme pressure to get their staff to take vacation, so either the days don’t roll over and accumulate and everyone is out for a month in 2021, or the employees don’t lose the time and bash the company for it. So, your boss might be reacting to pressure coming from his superiors.
What about a ”stay-cation” for your family this year? As a mom to a small child, being at home isn’t a break, but could you take a few days off from work and plan some fun things to do together? Take a day trip, go biking, cook (if your child is old enough), arts and crafts and game? I love to travel. It’s what our family does together several times a year and I am missing it terribly this year. But I remember one of my favorite vacations was when my three kids were small and I took a week off just to be home and do playful things. We never went too far, and I didn’t spend a lot of money, but we enjoyed just hanging out together. They still refer to it as “camp Mom week.” Crafts stores are open, and there are great outdoor games you could set up if you have the area to do it. If not, find somewhere to take a hike and introduce your child to the great outdoors.
Separate yourself from your work. One of my clients recently texted me on a Sunday morning around 7 a.m. and said, “I think they should change the phrase from WFH to ‘live at work because my life is my work.’” This was a poignant summary of what many people are feeling, which is that you can’t escape the need to do one more thing, follow-up, communicate or respond. Taking a break mentally and physically is really important. I agree that it isn’t as fun or detaching when you still have the laundry room, the kitchen and the floors to be cleaned. But at least you eliminate one of the stressors for a short period of time and can focus on your spouse and child.
These are difficult times to navigate and figure out what’s best for mental, emotional and physical health and for employers to understand how best to support their staff without putting more pressure on them. Meet your boss halfway and see if there isn’t some way you could get a bit of a break and recharge your batteries. You could use the time to plan your really fun vacation for next year – that’s our plan for this long weekend at my house!
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here. 
