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In my work with female clients in transition, some of the most difficult conversations are with those whose lives have been upended by the death of their spouses. These are especially tough when the bereaved woman is in her younger years, often with children still at home. And while there are a host of financial questions that require answers, some of the most important support we can offer clients in grief is not directly related to their finances.
As advisors concerned with our clients’ total personal wellbeing, one of the most valuable things we can do for a woman in this position is listen more and speak less.
Avoid trying to “solve” someone’s grief with advice about when it’s time to “move on” or “get back out there.” One of the best pieces of emotional advice was provided by a friend who had experienced the loss of a spouse. He told a young widow, “Don’t let anyone tell you what you ‘should’ be doing or feeling.” Remember, each person is unique, and their grief is supremely individualized. While there are certain general principles that hold true for most people, the particulars and timing for how any person handles the grief of bereavement is for them, and them only, to determine.
For many young widows, simply finding the energy to look beyond their own grief and take care of their children’s needs is a Herculean task. In 2020, there were about 600,000 children in the United States who lived with a widowed parent. For women in that position, having a support group is often a lifesaver. In addition to local, in-person groups, online forums like WidowsConnection.org, SisterhoodOfWidows.com, and others provide a place for young widows to share with others who are experiencing the same journey and to seek advice from those who are a bit farther along the path. As a trusted counselor, one of the best things you can do for a widowed client is to steer them toward a place where they can find support and understanding.
As for the financial part of the process, widowed clients will certainly need help and advice around dealing with life insurance, the will and probate process, and possibly housing and cash-flow questions. Certain clients may need guidance with changes to an estate plan or a family or educational trust. But be prepared for how to handle a client with “brain fog”: The grieving process can create mental processing and short-term memory difficulties. At times, those in deep grief may even feel they are losing their minds. Part of your job as a trusted counselor is to assure them that these difficulties, while probably temporary, are frequently a part of the grieving process, and that they will, in time, resume a more normal way of functioning.
Especially for women whose deceased spouses “handled the finances,” it’s important for advisors to provide clear advice and answers that don’t involve insider jargon or “legalese.” Be patient and deliberate in your counsel; frequent repetition may be necessary. Remember, you’re working through a fog of trauma that is likely dulling your client’s ability to process and remember important information.
Liquidity is a top-level concern for most newly bereaved persons and especially for women who are not accustomed to making financial decisions. The more you can do, early on, to assure your client that they do not need to make major lifestyle changes in the short term, the more empowered they will feel and the more calmly they’ll be able to approach future decisions.
Finally, help your client avoid making any sudden, large-scale changes to their financial plan, estate planning strategy, or other major aspects of their financial life, especially during the early days of the grieving process. Their emotions are running at a high pitch, and their ability to process decisions logically is hampered by the tempest of feelings they are experiencing. As a trusted advisor, your role is to give calm, fact-based counsel that provides reassurance, rather than allowing a client to rush into what may be an ill-advised move for the long term.
Kimberly Foss, CFP®, CPWA®, CFT-I™ candidate, is president and founder of Empyrion Wealth Management, an RIA with offices in Roseville, CA, and New York City. Her book, Wealthy By Design, is a New York Times bestseller. She has been a commentator for NBC, ABC, Fox News and The Wall Street Journal. You can reach her at [email protected]
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
