Consistently Deepening Relationships with Clients

by Beverly Flaxington, 11/30/22

Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.

Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.

Dear Readers,

Last week was Thanksgiving. This is a holiday that for some families is filled with blessings and joy, but for a few people and families is a time of sorrow and sadness. If you know your clients well enough, you know which category they fall into. One of the important aspects of doing financial advisory and planning is – when done well – you should know a person very deeply: their values, desires, fears, and life circumstances.

As we enter the end of the year to celebrate other holidays, consider improving your emotional intelligence (EQ) and connecting with your clients in deeper and more fulfilling ways:

This article will share some ideas on how to do this:

Get to know the people your clients care about. It is obvious for those advisors working with UHNW or family office clients there is a need to connect with the second and third generations. Understanding family values and facilitating open communication is critical, as is the practical planning and legal work. But what about those clients with only $1-7 or $8 million? Do you have a connection to their kids? Are you willing to spend the time talking to a 20-something in his/her/their first job and help provide guidance on making good decisions? Do you know if your client is attending to an elderly parent or other relative? You will know it if there is financial impact, but what if there isn’t? Have you engaged and learned about those they care about? Knowing they have three kids, where those kids go to school and what events your clients like to attend on the weekends isn’t enough – reach out and care about those people your client cares about.

Share with your client something you admire and appreciate about them and is special to them. Not just “thanks for being a client,” but an acknowledgment of a particular aspect of what they do or how they do it. This could be something as small as, “I always appreciate how prepared you are for our meetings, particularly how you send me written questions in advance,” to larger things, “I work with a number of business owners and see how they interact with their employees and I notice you pay really good attention to the needs of each of your team members.” These are just examples. Have something that is about the person. It is important to human beings that we are known and understood – show your client you really know them.

Talk about your own thoughts and feelings on making financial decisions, especially if you have made mistakes in the past or struggled with a decision. You have to be careful; you don’t want to make the conversation about you, and you don’t want to turn your client’s attention to supporting your emotional considerations. However, you can use examples of where you could have done something differently or made a decision that would have had greater impact. Once you share this, quickly change the subject back to the client and their needs but consider whether there is somewhere you can be vulnerable and open and let your client see the person inside of the advisor.

Improve your active listening skills. In most of the workshops and trainings I hold, I explore the subject of active listening. Most advisors believe they put their full attention and focus on the prospect or client. They want to be attentive and interested and they know it matters to a successful outcome. However, in all cases when I explore how to be a good listener and how to improve listening skills, every attendee realizes there is something they could do differently to be more effective in listening. It’s so much harder than any of us realize because we get in our heads about what we want to say, we lose focus, we get fixated on one comment that was made or we simply want to get through an agenda. Work on relaxing yourself as you go into a meeting with a prospect or client. Deep breaths and clearing your mind so you can stay open are very beneficial.

Learn to deal with the difficult ones, and reframe their behavior. The single biggest thing you can do from an EQ-perspective is to accept people as they are. You encounter a difficult client, in whatever form they present themselves, and chances are good you get defensive, annoyed, or otherwise conflicted. Some advisors ultimately fire their difficult clients. Resolve to learn about the difficult ones. Underneath just about every difficult behavior sits one emotion – fear. You are handling their life savings in some cases, helping them plan and dream and see what’s possible. Traveling the journey with you, no matter how effective you may be, means putting their faith, family and finances in your hands. This can be very scary for many people. Instead of reacting next time to difficult people, see them as scared individuals who are simply looking for confirmation it’s all going to be okay.

Be thankful, truly thankful. Most people in this profession are here because they love finance, the markets and helping individuals and families achieve their goals. Every financial advisor I’ve met in my career, which spans decades, is dedicated, ethical and devoted to their clients. While outsiders may portray the profession negatively, advisors want to do the right thing by those who hire them. Remind yourself often why you do this work. When you talk to your team (and even just to yourself) be sure you focus on the “wins” where you helped a family reconcile, a working person retires early, a couple buys their dream home. Stay aware of the “why?” – why you do this work, why it matters and why you also benefit (because you do) every time you help someone. It can be hard to stay positive when markets shake, politics are front and center, the news is bad and clients are worried. You don’t have to be overly positive all the time. Just be thankful you can do this work and help wherever you can. The more you are thankful in all you do, the more people around you will experience this and be thankful too.

Becoming an emotionally aware person on a consistent basis is not easy. Stress, worry, physical ailments, unmet expectations and a host of other things come along to derail advisors on any given day. Learning to manage and provide emotional support is imperative to your clients’ needs. If you were taking an important exam, you would study and put your attention on it. Pretend every client is an “exam” you take every time you interact with them and put a priority on studying your emotional responses and how you could engage on a deeper and more effective level. It takes focus but the payoff is significant.

Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. She is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching undergraduate and graduate students Entrepreneurship and Leading Teams. Beverly is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).

She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.

Consistently Deepening Relationships with Clients

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