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I often work with people who have mental illness and substance use disorders. But one syndrome is surprisingly common in the children of high-net worth parents: “failure to launch.”
While failure to launch is not an official mental health diagnosis, it refers to young adults who remain dependent on their parents rather than establishing separate and independent lives as self-sufficient adults. The syndrome is often associated with other mental health struggles including anxiety, depression, and addiction.
To educate others about failure to launch syndrome, how it's treated, and what can be done to prevent it, I asked Rachele Vogel, Psy.D., an expert in behavioral health, to share her insights.
John Samuels: How do you define failure to launch?
Rachele Vogel: I consider someone struggling with failure to launch as an individual developmentally stalled in adolescence – someone who has not transitioned successfully into adulthood from a place of autonomy, self-regulation, and independence.
Who is susceptible to failure to launch syndrome?
It tends to occur in people who have struggled to complete school or hold down a job after school, who struggled to maintain close friendships and are isolated, who struggled with cannabis and gaming addictions, who live with parents who meet all of their basics needs for them (or individuals who live independently with access to endless resources), and who lack motivation for change.
It's most common in kids who lack a sense of identity or passion, struggle with anxiety and/or depression, and grow up in an environment where parents/caregivers do everything for them. Anxiety is unpleasant — if a kid is conditioned to never being uncomfortable, he or she isn't suddenly going to wake up ready to take on the world.
Kids need to make mistakes and be taught how to care for themselves. Life is uncomfortable, and struggle is part of the journey for identity development. Limits are loving. A kid who has been sheltered from the stress and anxiety inherent to life, social interaction, decision-making, heartbreak, hearing “no,” and not getting what they want, is going to have a hard time in the real world. Helicopter parenting promotes failure to launch.
How is failure to launch treated by therapists?
I work with the entire family and assess accommodating behaviors – or things people are doing in the individual’s life that prohibit or stunt growth – and slowly make changes to build independent living skills.
How can a health advisor support this treatment?
A health advisor can provide support by sticking to the treatment road map and helping the family reduce support. These changes will impact the entire family system, so everyone is going to have to be willing to be uncomfortable.
Why isn’t failure to launch talked about as much as other mental health struggles?
It’s hard to recognize, especially if what the adult wants is for their child to be home, where they know they are safe. It can be hard for a parent to admit that their child is failing.
What advice do you have on recognizing failure to launch?
Consider your child’s level of resilience and ability to problem-solve independently. How do they manage their emotions and handle life stressors? What has the child been exposed to and what might be hindering the growth?
What is your approach to managing and recovering from failure to launch?
Kids can live behind a screen and share photos that are staged and filtered. There are no filters in real life. It is helpful for adults to be aware of how they are raising their children and if they are encouraging independence. Children learn through scaffolding, which means providing enough support for the child to learn a new skill with the ultimate goal of becoming self-reliant.
People can recover from failure to launch. However, the change may be gradual, and it requires a high level of willingness to be uncomfortable – for both the parent learning to say “no” or to follow through on a limit, as well as the child/adolescent experiencing new challenges.
John Samuels is founder and CEO of Better Health Advisors, an independent healthcare advisory practice based out of New York City. John served as a senior healthcare leader in New York City’s top hospitals for over 20 years. He uses his extensive healthcare experience and wide network of medical professionals to achieve the best possible care for clients nationwide. He was recently honored by Forbes as one of the Next 1000 entrepreneurs and business leaders who are changing how businesses are run.
To learn more about what Better Health Advisors can do for you, your family, or your company, visit our website, email [email protected], or call (646) 883-9717.
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
