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Death is something most people fear. We associate “death” with physical death, but another kind of death can be even more frightening: social death.
What is social death, and how can you harness it in your marketing?
What is social death?
Social death is fear of rejection. Examples include not being invited to a social gathering and being rejected by a romantic partner.
The fear of social death is rooted in the need for social connection and belonging. We are social animals. Our survival depends on the support and protection of our community. Being cut off from that community is a terrifying prospect.
The Amish understand the powerful impact of social death. When someone abandons their beliefs or breaks their rules, their transgression is publicly announced, and all church members must “shun” them. If a person is shunned, they can have no social or business contact with any other member of this tight-knit community.
Families practice their versions of shunning by refusing to speak to a family member. Other religions, like Scientology and Jehovah’s Witnesses, have rules that require ignoring those who question their teachings.
In this digital age, you can experience social death by being excluded or bullied on social media, with similar effects.
The impact of social death
According to Purdue psychologist Kipling Williams, the psychological effects of being shunned, excluded, and ostracized are profound.
Victims of shunning experience a loss of “control, belonging, self-esteem and meaningful existence.” They can also become depressed and suffer from physical ailments, including ulcers, compromised immune systems, anxiety, and a loss of feeling valued or meaningful existence. Shunning that continues for an extended time can even cause psychosis.
There is evidence that being ostracized may trigger the same regions in the brain as physical pain.
Fear of social death
For some, social death is more frightening than physical death. Physical death can be quick and painless, while social death is often a gradual process of isolation and rejection. This prolonged suffering can be incredibly traumatic and severely affect mental and emotional well-being.
Social death and marketing
Given the adverse consequences of social death, it's understandable that we strive to avoid it.
According to David McRaney, author of How Minds Change: The Surprising Science of Belief, Opinion, and Persuasion, avoiding social death is a powerful motivator. We value being members of our social communities more than being right or moral.
McRaney believes that, “as long as we have a group that satisfies our needs, we will choose to be wrong if that keeps us in good standing with our peers.”
New ideas (like index-based investing) can challenge our long-held beliefs. This is especially true if the contemporary idea being proposed exposes us to the possibility of “shame and ostracism.”
Suppose our social group is using wirehouse brokers to engage in stock picking, market timing, and trying to select the next “hot” mutual fund manager. In that case, we’re unlikely to be persuaded by the academic evidence supporting passive management.
How do you structure your marketing to avoid the perception of social death?
In my example of trying to persuade a proponent of active management to consider index-based investing, tell the prospect that the “club” of index proponents includes Warren Buffett, Nobel laureates, and other distinguished academics.
In my coaching practice, when advisors confronting this obstacle ask me what makes the most significant impact on clients, I refer them to this quote from Warren Buffett:
When trillions of dollars are managed by Wall Streeters charging high fees, it will usually be the managers who reap outsized profits, not the clients. Both large and small investors should stick with low-cost index funds.
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Emphasize the growth of indexed versus actively managed funds to demonstrate how many investors have been persuaded by the evidence.
The message is clear: You won’t experience “social death.” You will be part of a group of well-informed, sophisticated investors, investing intelligently and responsibly.
Some caveats
McRaney correctly observes, "You can’t persuade another person to change their mind if they don’t want to do so...”
He suggests focusing on the “desires, motivations, and internal counterarguing” of your prospects.
Above all, if what you propose exposes them to the possibility of ostracism in their social group, you’re unlikely to succeed.
Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research in his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships is currently available.
Read more articles by Dan Solin
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
