How to Escape the Terrible Meeting Monster in Two Words or Less

Bro, you saved my life.

A lot of times we categorize interactions as meetings that could just be a one-to-one phone call. The ease of “jumping on Zoom” has led us to enroll people in some elaborate ceremony when a lot of times it just increases chaos and delays resolution.

When you sense that someone is confused or that a situation is spiraling out of control, text or email them this phrase:

“Call me.”

Don’t go into why and don’t elaborate. Get them on the phone, fix the issue, and then hang up and go eat a sandwich.

2. Read this

The other day I asked my CPA a simple question about how the ticket agent charges sales tax for my conference. He goes into this whole lengthy response, creating confusion and asking me when I can “meet to discuss.” But since he bills hourly, I had to shut it down.

Trying to run up the meter on me? Hecks to the naw, honey.

I sent to him a link to an article about Missouri sales tax with these words: “Read this.”

Saved from the meeting monster!

3. Roger that

This is a term of agreement. But unlike “okay,” it signals that the conversation has concluded. Since this is a military phrase like “over and out,” it makes your brain imagine the person who said it is about to parachute out of a C-40B Clipper.

Use this phrase to avoid ambiguity before the person emailing you worries you aren’t resolute enough and calls a meeting to “get on the same page.”

(eyes rolling emoji)

Bookend the conversation with a strong affirmation and escape the meeting monster!

4. It stunk

Conversations about bad things are just as bad as the thing itself. Whenever somebody asks you, “How did it go,” when something went bad just write this:

“It stunk.”

Let them openly know you’re ticked off, and that way they will want to avoid meeting with you. Nobody likes to deal with honesty, so you’ll be safe from them wanting to meet with you.

5. Summary, please?

When you have to get a lot of detailed information from a vague, rambling person you are emailing with, you are at risk of someone proposing a meeting. You’ll be pulled down under the quicksand before you can run.

You: Why did Manuela decide to take Social Security at age 62?

Other person: Oh, it was the strangest thing! She wasn’t sure about avoiding the widow’s cap, and she thought Jim had taken his benefits before full retirement age. But the Social Security Administration sent over the wrong records. You know how they send that thing in the mail once a year. Well anyways, it was all the wrong data, Manuela and I had to sift all through it and it took us hours. We should meet and talk about it more so I can give you the full story.

You: Summary, please?

You’ll avoid a meeting, and because you are using the word “please,” the person will think you’re soooo polite.

Sara’s upshot

Two-word phrases are powerful, because they pair a noun and a verb in a way that accentuates the action taken. Make sure that the action directs you away from the jaws of the meeting monster and you will survive.

Thanks for hanging out with me. I’ll see you next month.

• I have an e-book and a membership where you can learn some creative, non-sleazy social media tactics.

• I’m a consultant who helps people infuse creativity in their marketing. If you’re interested, please contact me.

• If you are a flat fee advisor, advice-only planner, or just a believer in transparency, join our next Transparent Advisor Movement meetup.

Sara Grillo, CFA, is a marketing consultant who helps investment management, financial planning, and RIA firms fight the tendency to scatter meaningless clichés on their prospects and bore them as a result. Prior to launching her own firm, she was a financial advisor.

Read more articles by Sara Grillo