Unsolicited Advice Can Destroy Relationships

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There are three distinct categories of advice:

Unsolicited advice;

Solicited advice from those seeking your expertise; and

Solicited advice from those who simply want you to listen.

Of the three, offering unsolicited advice has the highest potential to destroy the trust between you and your client.

I appreciate the irony. I’m providing unsolicited advice on the danger of giving unsolicited advice.

Offering opinions and recommendations

When you see issues within your expertise, like clients whose spending will jeopardize their retirement goals, it’s always appropriate to offer your advice, whether solicited or otherwise. The trouble begins when the unsolicited advice reflects a view outside your expertise.

Some justify intrusive observations because they consider themselves a “life coach” and not just an investment advisor.

This recent trend is fraught with peril.

Reactance

Offering unsolicited advice can have negative consequences like triggering “reactance.”

Reactance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when we perceive a threat to our autonomy or freedom of choice. It is a negative emotional response that can lead to resistance or even defiance.

In the context of unsolicited advice, reactance can be triggered when clients feel like their choices or actions are being questioned or challenged. This can result in a defensive response, leading clients to resist or even do the opposite of even sound advice.

An adverse brain reaction

Unsolicited advice may activate the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC)of the brain of the person receiving this advice.

The ACC is the part of the brain associated with cognitive and emotional processing. When we perceive a threat to our autonomy or when we experience cognitive dissonance, the ACC is activated. This can lead to discomfort or resistance, causing us to become defensive and resist or even do the opposite of what is suggested.

A loss of trust

Offering unsolicited advice can create a power dynamic that can damage the relationship between you and your client.

When you offer unsolicited advice, you may be perceived as overstepping boundaries or implying that your client cannot make their own decisions. This perception can lead to a loss of trust, irreparably damaging your relationship.

Your cognitive bias

An investment advisor may, for example, offer unsolicited advice to clients about how to spend their money, like suggesting they take an expensive vacation or purchase a luxury item. This advice may reflect the advisor's beliefs about how money should be enjoyed rather than based on the client's unique circumstances.

If a client wants to live frugally, even though they can afford not to, it’s inappropriate for an advisor to offer unsolicited advice telling them to spend more money. The advisor’s focus should be on the client’s objectives, not the advisor's personal biases and beliefs about how money should be enjoyed.

Your lack of expertise

When it comes to personal issues like how to live a happier life or deal with issues with children, experts with a psychology or social work background are better equipped to offer guidance than financial advisors.

I’m unaware of any evidence suggesting that financial advisors are happier than the general public, have better-adjusted children, or live more financially prudent lives.

Happiness and life satisfaction are not solely determined by financial success. Other factors like relationships, health, and personal fulfillment play a significant role.

Recognize your limitations before you offer unsolicited advice on personal issues where you lack the necessary expertise.

Dan coaches evidence-based financial advisors on how to convert more prospects into clients. His digital marketing firm is a leading provider of SEO, website design, branding, content marketing, and video production services to financial advisors worldwide.

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