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Dying and money collide in ways most of us never think about until we have to. Money is hard. Death is hard. When someone receives a terminal diagnosis, they and their loved ones are forced to deal with both at the same time. It is one of the most difficult financial and emotional challenges anyone can face.
Early in my financial planning career, if a client told me they had a terminal diagnosis, every alarm in my head would go off. Before the meeting was over, I would have a to-do list that was three pages long. Get to the attorneys, review the insurance, run the numbers, plan for this, prepare for that.
When emotion came up in the room, I used to point at the mutual fund chart on the wall and say, let’s talk about that instead. That was my safe place. And the harder I pushed on the numbers, the further away that client would go emotionally.
It took me years to learn the value of helping clients process their emotions and thoughts about dying. Creating a safe space by sitting with them and listening is an essential part of the end-of-life financial planning process. It is what allows the mind and nervous system to settle down enough to take in the technical advice and do the necessary practical work.
The Intersection of Doula Care and Finance
Recently I had a podcast conversation with Rose Zealand, who helps clients with both the emotional and financial complexities around dying. She is a certified financial planner and end-of-life doula in Colorado who works especially with people facing a terminal diagnosis in mid-life.
At this stage in life, people have not finished building a retirement/end of life nest egg. The person who is sick stops working. The spouse or primary caregiver cuts back, as well. This means a drastic reduction in income at the same time expenses are climbing. The result is a crucial question that’s easy to skip right over on the way to updating the will: “How do we afford the dying?”
Rose works in three areas: cash flow, insurance, and estate planning. A lot of her clients have been raising kids and caring for aging parents. Now the caregiver needs care, and the whole family system has to shift. Much of Rose’s work is helping people learn to say no and also to say yes to receiving help. That’s harder than it sounds.
She describes a continuum that matters for anyone navigating this space. On one end is the traditional financial planning role: agenda-driven, outcome-focused, and regulated, where the professional is paid to tell the client what to do. On the other end is the death doula: there with no agenda except to witness, hold space, educate, and advocate, but only as led by the dying person. In the middle is coaching, which at its best is also led by the client.
As a death doula with financial expertise, Rose works across that whole continuum. She shows up first in the doula role, witnessing and containing. Her financial training helps her spot the money-related concerns, but she waits for the client to be ready before she shifts into planning mode. She calls herself the bridge between those two spaces.
Anyone facing a terminal diagnosis for themselves or a loved one would benefit greatly from having a professional like Rose in the room. The combination of financial and therapeutic expertise is crucial for communicating what needs to happen in ways and with timing a person can actually absorb. Bridging the gap between the emotional and financial realities of dying can help someone navigate the end of life with more dignity, comfort, and practical help.
More articles by Rick Kahler:
Rick Kahler, MS, CFP®, CFT™, CeFT®, is the founder of Kahler Financial Group, a Rapid City, SD-based fee-only Registered Investment Advisor.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.