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Beverly Flaxington is a practice management consultant. She answers questions from advisors facing human resource issues. To submit yours, email us here.
Dear Readers,
I recently spent a week working with advisors and team members on a variety of things, all human-element related. The financial business is one of numbers and quantifiable results, but we all know it is much more than this. I’ve heard — too many times — that I teach “soft skills” when, in point of fact, those skills are the hardest ones for most people in our industry to master.
The human element is often where a team goes off track: lack of communication, assumptions made, misunderstandings, differences in style and approach, and confusion about roles and responsibilities — just to scratch the surface.
This week’s column will encapsulate my aha moments from this week.
Communication Matters
Nothing — absolutely nothing — replaces a phone call, a 1:1 in a conference room, or a Zoom meeting just to chat about what is going on. The teams I work with often have months, if not years, of unsaid frustrations that compound until people are mad at each other and may not even remember why.
Some of the work I have been doing lately is simply facilitating conversations. In many cases, we’re not taught how to share difficult experiences – and the thoughts and feelings behind them – with the people we need to work alongside. The threat of a fractured relationship often supersedes the need to say something. This approach does not work in the long run.
Action Step
Consider whether you have lingering negative feelings toward a team member. You also want to validate the positive feelings and memories associated with that person. However, if you are harboring negativity, practice opening up and sharing your observations with someone.
Remember: Never accuse, but share what you are experiencing, or have experienced, and its impact on you. Be as objective as possible. Never suspect another person’s motives — operate assuming positive intent. Impact matters – be clear about this.
What You See Isn’t Always What Is Going On
It’s a stressful industry, and it’s an industry fraught with miscommunication, particularly around compensation and incentives. It’s easy to let yourself believe your partner or team member is greedy or selfish based on their desire to be compensated for the work done.
As we all have experienced, however, one’s perception of the “work done” might be entirely different from someone else’s. There is not a clear-cut answer in many cases. Support professionals often believe they are doing the lion’s share of the work, while getting very little in compensation. Partners may believe, as a team or firm evolves, an original deal struck is not fair in today’s world. New advisors to a team may experience themselves doing a lot of work, but because they are new, they are not getting a large percentage of the split.
Action Step
Compensation, in my experience, can turn team members and partners against one another very quickly. After listening to hours of input from different parties, I can often see how one person has a relevant perspective, but then another has just as much relevancy in their perspective! There are no right or wrong answers.
Master the Art of Feedback
Accusing another person of being selfish or greedy immediately shuts down conversation. Find ways to talk about end goals, philosophy on compensation and desired outcomes for any revenue or expense related to the team before you make final decisions. Having a strategy and philosophy in place first helps with the practical and tactical decisions you will need to make over time.
Giving feedback to those around you is an essential skill to learn. Unfortunately, with all of the credentials one can receive to be in this business — everything from an MBA or CFA® to a CFP® or CIMA®, and everything in between — I have yet to see a credential that gives a team member excellent training in the proper way to give feedback. That fear of threatening the relationship can prevent team members and/or partners working on clients together from taking the “risky” step of rocking the boat.
Learning how to give feedback is important in our personal and professional lives. Although on a personal level, people will often give us considerable grace, taking a mis-step when giving feedback in a professional setting can drive a wedge deep into a relationship that is not easy to repair.
Action Step
Take a class on how to give feedback; consult AI; read a book; or watch a YouTube video. There is plenty of information out there, and practice is key. Practice where the stakes are not as high, with someone you trust who can guide you and let you know where you need to course correct in your delivery. Learning how to give — and how to ask for — feedback in a way that maintains and even deepens the relationship can be good for your professional career, and even life changing!
Assumptions Are Often Destructive
Don’t assume you know what others mean. There is a line of thought in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) I touched on earlier that says, “assume positive intent.” The thought process is that we don’t all come from the same background, have the same style or approach, or do things the same way. This should be obvious, but it’s not.
We tend to think when observing someone, “This is what I’d be thinking if I were doing the same thing.” As often as not, we are wrong in our suspicions. Watching a team member or partner and not seeking to understand what’s underneath certain behaviors is detrimental to everyone involved. I’ve seen too many teams where there are suspicions around a member’s approach, beliefs or behaviors. This is yet another thing that can drive an unnecessary wedge between team members.
Action Step
Take ownership of your lack of knowledge of the motives behind what another person says or does. Seek to understand before you accuse or interpret through a lens that belongs only to you. Be actively curious rather than accusatory.
Don’t ask “Why did you do that??” Instead encourage the other person with, “Help me understand your actions and what you were thinking or feeling to choose that approach. I don’t want to assume — I want to understand.” Yes, this takes time and energy, but the alternative is to persist in your belief that someone else is wrong without knowing why.
I’m hoping something here will resonate with each of our readers. Every time I talk with a team, or present on “soft skills,” I find the information is not only very well received, but much needed.
Read more by Beverly Flaxington:
Beverly Flaxington co-founded The Collaborative, a consulting firm devoted to business building for the financial services industry, in 1995. The firm also founded and manages the Advisors Sales Academy. The firm has won the Wealthbriefing WealthTech award for Best Training Solution for 2022, 2023, 2024, 2025 and 2026. Beverly is currently an adjunct professor at Suffolk University teaching Executive MBA students Leadership and Managing Teams. She is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA).
She has spent over 25 years in the investment industry and has been featured in Selling Power Magazine and quoted in hundreds of media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, MSNBC.com, Investment News and Solutions Magazine for the FPA. She speaks frequently at investment industry conferences and is a speaker for the CFA Institute.
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Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.